How my ex taught me to value myself...

I have loved and lost many people in my life. As a young child and teenager, I always felt like I was never quite good enough. I have known, for as long as I can remember, that I was adopted. For some reason, my silly little mind thought that because my birth mother didn't keep me, that I must not have been good enough or worth it for her to keep me. I have battled with feelings of inadequacy my whole life. There's always someone better than me, prettier than me, thinner than me, smarter than me, etc. I was so busy comparing myself to everyone else and measuring my worth on what I thought was the standard, that I wasn't taking time to invest in ME! I wasn't taking the time to clear my mind, focus on my needs, and achieve the standards I knew I should be achieving. I did not value ME. Do you ever feel this way? I can pretty much guess just about anyone reading this, has, at one point or another in their lives, felt this way.

This August will mark another one of those dreaded "milestone" birthdays for me. It's the big 40! My mind says impossible, but my body reminds me that nothing is impossible, (snap, crackle, pop)! I digress, it has taken me nearly 40 years, many tears, and a whole lot of fears to realize something I have known all along.

I AM ENOUGH. I AM VALUABLE. I AM BEAUTIFUL. I AM WORTH IT. I AM AMAZING. I AM DIFFERENT.

I am an individual and I am not the same as anyone else, I'm me, I'm Crystal. They broke the mold when they made me ;) In the world of "photography" you will find SO many styles of photographers. You have everything from momtographers to the Pros like Annie Leibovitz, an award winning portrait photographer.

Anne Hathaway by Photographer Annie Lebovitz

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One of the things I hear over and over from other photographers,is that they don't always feel like people/clients value their work. They air their concerns of this one asking for free sessions, or that one that expects far more than they agreed to, the list can go on and on, but the one thing that I see over and over is the word VALUE. Photographers want clients to value their work. They want clients to be willing to invest in their memories and the corresponding products that are available. Look, I know I will never be like Ms. Leibovitz, that's a given, but I still value myself as much as the people handing her the awards value her work! It took a family session with a pretty interesting family, to show me just how important my passion is to them, how much they want to invest in their memories, and how much they support me and my value.

There have been those that came into my life and stayed. There have been those that have come in my life and left. Then, there are those people that, no matter what, no matter when, no matter why, if I need them, all I have to do is pick up the phone, send them a text, or hop in the car. My life has been full of ups and downs, but one constant is family. It does not matter if that family is related by blood or not, family sticks together.

The way society is these days, many families are blended, big time. There are all types of situations. The particular situation I want to share with you is mine. So, here goes. I have a son who is 15. His father and I dated in high school and then went our separate ways. I married someone else, had 2 beautiful children (now 20 and 17) and he married and had a son (now 17). Fast forward to about 5 or 6 years after high school graduation. I'm getting divorced, he's getting divorced, blah,blah, blah...I had our son, and we got married. Now, from that time to about 6 years ago, we had a rocky, bumpy, tumultuous relationship, but we were so in love (seriously). When times were bad, they were really, really bad, but when times were good, they were bliss! We moved around, until we finally settled in the Freeport/30A area, here in the Florida panhandle. We tried to make it work, but it was just impossible. In April of 2010, I left. It was really rough for a long time. I missed my best friend, my protector, my love of my life, but I knew we were just not good together. Time passed and we both found new love interests. Dating after 25 is no fun, by the way...haha. So, here we are, fast forward to Memorial Day, 2016. I find myself at "their" house, doing a family photo shoot, yup, a family photo shoot of my ex-husband, his "wife", my step-son, and my son. I told them what the fee was, and they gladly accepted; however, when I left with the check in my hand I realized it was written for 3 times the amount I told them!!! Now, honestly, I wanted to run for the bank, cash the check, and never mention it, however; I checked in with him to make sure they had heard me correctly, and yes, they sure did! He told me I wasn't charging enough. He told me that the pictures I take are worth even more than what they had paid. He, of all people, made me stop and realize MY value as a photographer. Not only did he make me realize my value as a photographer, but I realized that I am not just some chick with a camera, I am a valuable part of society. I am a valuable part to, not only my own life, but to other people's lives! I ask myself, even as I am writing this right now, HOW have I never realized my worth? HOW have I gone all these years not even valuing myself? HOW can I expect others to value me, if I don't even value myself? It's not even about the photography itself, it is about the overall package. So, if you made it through my story and down to this point, I want you to know that there is a reason you are reading this today. I don't believe in coincidence. I believe everything happens for a reason. There is a reason you are here reading this, it's not a mistake that you stuck through to the end. You need to know your value, and I am here to tell you:

YOU ARE ENOUGH! YOU ARE VALUABLE! YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL! YOU ARE WORTH IT!

YOU ARE AMAZING! YOU ARE DIFFERENT! YOU ARE WONDERFUL! YOU ARE LOVED!

I value each and every one of my friends and family more than anyone will ever know, and now, I value myself just as much! Thanks for sticking it out and reading this through, your love and support does not go unnoticed!

xoxo-Crystal